Rude awakening

For the past few months [okay, longer than that] I've felt strongly that I need to maintain my blog, but I've done nothing about it. Now, I sit here 33.5 weeks pregnant trying to remember the first three years of Maddux's life. All of those funny stories and sayings I thought I would never forget are dimming. My heart sinks knowing I have nothing to read through to refresh my memory. So, here's to a new beginning.

Maddux was playing at a friends house yesterday.  He was running, jumping, diving, rolling, and laughing. Boys will be boys and Maddux got hurt.  I didn't think anything of it until he immediately stopped crying and went limp. His eyes glossed over and his breathing was anything but normal.  My heart went into a frenzy.  I started screaming his name -- trying to get him to focus on me.  A few minutes that felt like hours slowing crawled by and he started coming around. He was pale, but fairly responsive.  I still don't know exactly what happened. This has happened once before [we'll be talking to the Pediatrician].  I've never felt such a surge of panic in my life. I was overcome with the love I felt for my child, and I was filled with an extremely intense and absolute need to keep him safe and protected. 

An hour or so later I watched him sleeping peacefully on the couch snuggling his blanket. I sat on the ground next to the couch stroking his hair and allowing tears to stream down my face and I poured out my heart to my Father in Heaven, allowing my thoughts to guide my prayer. Please protect him always.  Keep him safe.  Don't let him be scared or hurt without giving him an avenue of peace.  Help me to always be close to the Spirit so I can always know how to protect him, guide him, love him. Of course I know my little guy needs to experience pain, hurt and rejection in order to grow.  I know someday he will feel left out. Someday he'll have his heart broken. I know I won't be able to hold him and keep him safe in my arms forever.  However, when he's too big for my arms, I pray he will know whose arms will always be extended. I guess my duty as a mother isn't to always keep him protected, but to teach him that it is Christ who can truly do the protecting.