How do we glory in tribulation?

Photo's courtesy of my sweet sister.

Last Thursday a soccer ball, metaphorically, came and punched me in the chest. It went right through my chest, grabbed ahold of my heart and held it in a tight vice.  I couldn't breathe. My mind went blank. Tears wouldn't stop falling from my eyes. I had the phone to my ear.  I could hear my dad's voice in the background, but I heard nothing after he said, "I have colon cancer." Even at this moment I sit here looking at the above pictures thinking, feeling, wishing I misheard. I did not. 

Makay was at school when I was called. I hung up the phone, laid on the floor, and wept.  Never in my life have I felt so much despair. Never before had I understood the phrase 'wracked my soul.' My poor Maddux didn't know what was going on.  He would crawl over to me, touch my face, then go back to chewing on the TV stand. Sometimes he would smile, thinking I was playing some sort of game. If only that were it. 

Though we don't know how advanced the cancer is yet, my mind got carried away. Horrible thoughts and scenarios continued to creep into my mind. Would my children know their Papa? Would my mom be a widow? Would my grandma lose another child?  Who will give us financial guidance? Who will understand my sense of humor?  Who will I go to when I need my dad?  Who will wear socks and sandals? Who will explain the economy to us?  Who will sing 'Let the Sun Shine'? Who, who, who, who, who??? 

Over the next few days I allowed myself to be in this deep misery.  Never before have I experienced it, and never again do I want to. 

Thank God for the gospel.  Thank God. I thank Him for eternal families.  I think Him for the constant companionship of the Comforter. I thank Him for an eternal perspective.  

Through much prayer, talking to my husband, talking to my mom, and listening to General Conference, I have been given a great deal of peace. My understanding of the Atonement has greatly increased. I know with everything in me that God has a plan.  I know His plan will bring me great happiness. I trust Him. Come what may. I will be steady and immovable--for I know the Lord is on my side, and if He's on my side, I can not lose.  It might be difficult at times, and I might be back on the floor weeping, but I know I can get through this. I know my family can get through this. 

"Be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you" [Doctrine and Covenants 68:6 ].

"In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world"[John 16:33 ].

These scriptures have become my lighthouse--something to reach for in the depths of darkness. The Lord is with me; He is standing by me.