These cuties...

These cuties make me all fuzzy and warm inside. I'm so grateful to be their mama.

Maddux loves his baby sister. He calls her sweetie all of the time. "Don't worry, Sweetie, I will be right back, Sweetie." He also tackles her ... She doesn't like that much.

My Macy Gracie is turning into quite the passionate little peanut. She knows what she wants and she let's everyone know it. She's a mama's girl and crawls to wherever I am.

Gracie Grace, Months 9 &10

Oh my Macy, you light up the room. Your daddy continues to give you nicknames and you respond to most of them.  You answer to Macy Mace, Moo Moo, May May, Macy Gracie, Gracie Grace, Sister, and Munchkin. You wake up very happy. When I pick you up from your crib you kick your legs and arch your back in excitement. When we enter the living room you look around until you spot your daddy or your brother. 

You're still in size three diapers. You have the cutest tan lines on your chunky thighs. You will take any binkie available for the most part {unlike your picky brother}. You sleep from 7:00-6:30 or 7:30, eat, then sleep until 9:00 {month 9 you slept until 5:30, not 6:30}. You love to eat; I'm pretty sure you could be eating more solids, but you have a paranoid mother. You roll, roll, roll.  Still no crawling, but girl, how you roll! You can push yourself into a sitting position. Your first tooth made its grand debut just a few days ago. 

Maddux Turns Four

Well my little Maddux, you have graced this world with your presence for four entire years now.  I can't believe it. I remember bringing you home from the hospital.  I loved you more than I knew possible, but I had no idea what to do with you. We learned how to be a family together.... You taught me how to be a mama.... I would sneak into your room every night, and if you were asleep, I'd pick you up and rock you. I still come into your room every night, but now you're too big to pick up without waking. So I sit there and stare at your perfect, little face. I brush your hair with my fingers and wonder how you got so big so fast. You still have so much to learn from this cruel world.  How do I create an environment where you can learn life's important lessons with the least amount of growing pains?

Your daddy and I love you so much.  You have been a blessing beyond measure. We truly thank our God for you every single day. 

Birthday festivities began in the morning. You awoke to balloons galore. You loved running through them and drawing faces on them. You wanted crackers for breakfast so that's what you got! You were pretty happy that I said yes to your request. We gave you one present every few hours throughout the day. You would light up when I would come from the room singing 'Happy Birthday' because you knew that was your cue to opening a new present. 

You had friends over to swim in the pool and sing to you. You felt like a pretty big deal -- and you are. My little world truly revolves around you and your little sister and I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you for making me a mama for the last four years. I love you, spokie. 

Beach Date

Confession. I get tired as a mom. Sometimes I get caught up in routine and question what it is I love and adore about being a mom. The making of breakfast, snacks, lunch, second lunch, dinner? Laundry? Wiping bums, changing diapers, cleaning spills and spit up??

My wise husband told me to lay the baby down for a nap and take Maddux to the beach--just the two of us. It made me realize how much I missed my Maddux. My little silly, sweet, curious baby boy. I realized I'd been on auto-pilot driving toward nannyhood instead of being engaged in motherhood. I'm thankful for the reminder. Here's to remembering this tomorrow.

Prophets

I was asked to speak last Sunday on the Restoration. The talks given the previous week were also given on the restoration so I struggled with knowing what to speak on.  As I was making dinner, I started thinking of the restoration as individual components rather than as a whole. The Lord then flooded my mind with past experiences that involved the gospel. Tears found their way down my cheeks as I realized how integral the gospel has been in my life. The gospel is not just one section of my identity -- it is who I am. It floods every aspect of me.  Every thought I have and every decision I make stems from some portion of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I began to ponder on the restoration of prophets. The Lord spoke to His people in the bible through prophets like Moses, Isaiah, Peter and Paul. What a blessing it is that we have prophets who speak to God in our day. I thought on this for awhile when this past experience came back to my mind...

President Hinckley was the prophet of my youth.  I have a dear love for him as I’m sure many of you do. It was under the duration of his prophetic calling that I truly became rooted in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Following his death, President Thomas S. Monson was called to be the president of the Church. My grandma lives in Holloday, Utah and happens to be in the prophet’s ward. I was in town visiting her shortly after President Monson became the prophet. The prophet travels often and attends his home ward sporadically.  The weekend I was visiting happened to be a weekend he would be attending.  I sat in the chapel listening to the prelude music feeling a little jittery. I knew I was going to be in the presence of the prophet and I was nervous.  I had such a love for President Hinckley and I was worried I would feel differently toward President Monson. I was sitting in the front corner pew of the chapel when suddenly the prelude music stopped and everyone stood. Butterflies swarmed my stomach as I heard the organist start to play ‘We Thank Thee Oh God For a Prophet.” I turned my head toward the door right as he was walking in. As he walked to the front of the chapel I could feel a permeating wave of warmth emanate from him and ripple out toward the entire congregation. I could feel of his prophetic calling and the mantel which he bore. I can still feel it as I recount this experience.  

In the Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we believe that God speaks to living prophets.  I can not deny and testify of this truth... and a glorious truth it is.  

Missionary Experiences

I've always been frustrated with myself when it comes to missionary work. I feel such a desire to serve to Lord through being a missionary. However, I never see any results. I know I shouldn't be frustrated -- I'm planting seeds, yada yada. I know.  I need to shift my paradigm.

A thought hit me during a particular general conference address on missionary work. I have never prayed for missionary experiences.  I've sought them out.  I've shared the gospel when opportunities arrived. I've tried to be a missionary, but I've never petitioned the Lord for help. How prideful am I??

So, I've been praying. Every night I ask the Lord to help me be a missionary; I ask Him to lead me to the people whose hearts are prepared for the Gospel of Jesus Christ; I ask Him to help me be a missionary through being kind, thoughtful and by giving service.

Two days later. Two days.

I'm at the park with Maddux.  Maddux thinks everyone is his friend and quickly gravitated toward the sweetest two-year-old named Liam.  Liam was there with his 'Poppy,' his grandpa. I soon found out Poppy watches Liam during the day and works as a security guard at Ave Maria, a local Law School. Poppy {whose real name is Gary} has been experiencing a rough year as his wife's parents and his own have past away within a short time of each other. Now that mortality is a reality, he is glad he has this time to spend with Liam, but it is tiring and difficult being Mr. Mom. I understand. I expressed my fascination with the connection between parents and children. Yes, it's tiring, difficult and exhausting, but so worth it.  How is it that one tiny smile or giggle can turn a frustrating day {most of the time because of a particular child} into a good day in seconds? In our faith, I said, we believe families are eternal. There is a connection, a divine connection.

The conversation ebbed and flowed and we found ourselves talking about death and the pain it causes. I told him about my dad. He's been diagnosed with color cancer which has brought the mortality reality up-front and center for the last few years. Some people view religion as a crutch. They think religion is for the weak. But, I told him, once you feel the Holy Spirit testifying of the reality of the resurrection and the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, there is no denying it.

The kids were getting hungry so we said our good-byes.  I told him if he ever needed a spiritual boost he needed to call the Mormon Missionaries {I didn't have any pass-along cards with me!}. He said he would and he knew a few Mormons at the law school where he works {which are in my ward so yes, I'll be talking to them}.

This conversation was so casual and easy.  I wasn't nervous to talk to him about the church and Jesus Christ.  It just happened. First, I know this experienced occurred because of the Lord.  However, I was curious as to why the conversation was so natural and un-nerving. As I was pondering why it was this way it occurred to me it's because this doctrine is a part of me. There are some doctrines and principles in the church I believe in because I know the church is true.  However, there are some that are intensely ingrained into my soul because of the personal experiences I've had with them. My dad's health has brought a deeper understanding and sense of gratitude for the doctrine of the atonement and resurrection. I started crying in the car.  I feel so guilty that I'm benefiting from my dad's oppressive, daunting, cruel trial. It's because of the hard road he's walking that I could comfortably testify of the resurrection.

As these thoughts passed through my mind I felt a distinct prompting to call my dad and tell him this. He picked up the phone and I quickly told him of my experience. I let him know {through sobs} of the small amount of good that has come from the fiery darts being sent his way. He was quiet, and then said, "Let me add to your testimony.  Today is Tuesday and Tuesday's are hard after chemo weekends. I have little energy. This morning as I sat in my car driving to work I petitioned the Lord.  I told him I had no energy, and I needed Him to give me a little more. Just as I closed my prayer, you called. What you have told me has given me the energy I need to get through my day."

The Lord is so mindful of each one of us. There's no denying it.

#AskHimForHelp

Funny boy

I was looking for some basketball shorts for Maddux at Walmart. He's obsessed with basketball shorts these days. I was sifting through the selection of shorts as I casually turned around and glanced at Maddux. I couldn't stop laughing. He took a 12 month shirt off the rack and did his best to squeeze into it. What a goof ball. A cute goof ball.